A couple weekends ago I went to a party with Pete and Jon at a really nice house in Beverly Hills that Lance Bass of Nsync fame was renting and Andre Agassi reportedly (and by this I mean Jon told me) bought for about $15 million. We get there and introduce ourselves to some of the people (Pete knew mostly everyone there. Jon and I did not).
We grab some beers from the fridge and continue with our evening of drinking (I had done a lot of drinking at my house before we went over there). We gave ourselves a guided tour (there's a video somewhere Jon made. It's really quite good. You should watch it if you feel like contacting Jon) and eventually wound up on some porch with one of Lance's really good friends from high school that Pete knew from show choir.
I found out that she was from the South (I think Louisiana...) because she had a thick accent. Me being the fun-loving guy that I am decided to tell her how I think all people from the south are morons and probably said they're all in-bred hillbillies (that last part I don't know if I said but I'd assume so. I tell Tyler he's one every time I talk to him).
I didn't think my comments were all that harsh and she was actually fairly intelligent but I just like to believe that all southerners are dumb. Just listen to them talk. Sure the girls sound sweet with their twang and polite demeanor but everyone just sounds dumber (have a conversation with Tyler and ask him about "gigabytes." The stupid red-neck pronounces it "gi-gah-biites." If you don't know Tyler just go to a waffle house sometime and talk to the workers there. They help reinforce my views on the south handidly).
Well apparently my comments stung her overly sensitive nature and she was not thrilled about it. Calling her old probably didn't help either. In my poor defense though I always mock Pete about being old and feel that anyone over 30 should be resigned to me mocking them about their age. It's science.
She apparently was annoyed enough to suggest my friends drop me off on the way over the second night because of my uncensored mouth. To Jon and especially Pete's credit they told the people I was coming with them and would be on better behavior.
When we arrived I got out of the car and apologized. I said my comments were in jest and that I was sorry for offending her. I think I told her that I just have a tendency to make fun of a lot of people because I'm immature (I say I think I said that because once again I had been drinking a lot and don't remember the particulars of this moment. I apologize a lot. Go figure).
I was allowed back in the house and had a couple beers with everyone. The cute girl Jon and I were both hitting on from the night before was sadly not there. She hasn't returned any of Jon's texts either that he's sent since. EPIC FAIL.
But he got her number and I didn't.
Showing posts with label Drinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Drinking. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
back to the whale's vagina
I'm heading back to San Diego (aka the Whale's Vagina) this weekend to see Mr. Spicy Meat-a-Ball himself and the Whale's Vagina herself. We will have a lot of fun and we will get really drunk.
And we'll probably make some BLD's.
UPDATE - Thought I'd put up a pic of Ashley since I'm stoked to see her also. It's not as entertaining as the one of Dave and I.
And we'll probably make some BLD's.UPDATE - Thought I'd put up a pic of Ashley since I'm stoked to see her also. It's not as entertaining as the one of Dave and I.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I have a date
I have a date tomorrow evening. Well, I'm meeting a girl for drinks after work so I'd say that counts.
It's been a few months since I've been on a date. I think my last one was in San Diego with a girl named Jacqueline whom I met at the bar. The girl I'm going out with tomorrow, Amy, I also met at a bar.
What I have working for me in my favor and probably the reason I managed to get the date was when I met Amy we spent the majority of our time dancing and not talking. Also, when we weren't dancing we were making out all over the bar (I'm classy).
From the tiny bit of conversing on the phone and from what I remember of my drunken night when I met her she seems like a really cool girl. She's from the east coast, somewhere in Jersey based on her area code (thank you, Gooogle) and hasn't been in LA that much longer than I have.
Beyond that I don't know much about her other than we had a blast at Boulevard 3. She seems down to earth and normal which is nice given that I live in LA and there are freaks all over the place and girls who rival Courtniee in terms of craziness (she was definitely crazy. She was seriously messed in the head. I know I joke that all women are crazy but Courtniee was a nut job).
I'm taking the approach in this date of being myself about 90% of the way. I want her to see who I am from the gitgo so she doesn't get the wrong idea about me but I still might hide a little bit of the unfiltered comments or wearing my nipple shirt (that takes a special woman to appreciate).
Regardless it'll be fun to go on a date and brush up on my techniques and conversational skills. I'm actually quite capable of having "an adult conversation" so hopefully that'll happen tomorrow evening.
It's been a few months since I've been on a date. I think my last one was in San Diego with a girl named Jacqueline whom I met at the bar. The girl I'm going out with tomorrow, Amy, I also met at a bar.
What I have working for me in my favor and probably the reason I managed to get the date was when I met Amy we spent the majority of our time dancing and not talking. Also, when we weren't dancing we were making out all over the bar (I'm classy).
From the tiny bit of conversing on the phone and from what I remember of my drunken night when I met her she seems like a really cool girl. She's from the east coast, somewhere in Jersey based on her area code (thank you, Gooogle) and hasn't been in LA that much longer than I have.
Beyond that I don't know much about her other than we had a blast at Boulevard 3. She seems down to earth and normal which is nice given that I live in LA and there are freaks all over the place and girls who rival Courtniee in terms of craziness (she was definitely crazy. She was seriously messed in the head. I know I joke that all women are crazy but Courtniee was a nut job).
I'm taking the approach in this date of being myself about 90% of the way. I want her to see who I am from the gitgo so she doesn't get the wrong idea about me but I still might hide a little bit of the unfiltered comments or wearing my nipple shirt (that takes a special woman to appreciate).
Regardless it'll be fun to go on a date and brush up on my techniques and conversational skills. I'm actually quite capable of having "an adult conversation" so hopefully that'll happen tomorrow evening.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
A Pearl of Wisdom
I spend a lot of time talking with my friends about any and everything. One topic that always seems to come up is my inability to get women and get laid. If you don't like getting laid or maintaining a relationship with a girl I have some good advice for you.
I'm not saying I want a different girl every weekend, I don't. I'm not good at faking interest in a girl either for the sake of getting laid. That always turns into me mocking her incessantly. Funny for me and my friends, not for her. This often turns into a Bad Life Decision (aka BLD).
One of the first steps to successfully making a BLD is to get as drunk as you physically can. This is easier said than done. It takes real dedication and often deep pockets to pull this trick off. A surefire way to do this without breaking the bank is buying the cheapest liquor you can.
I prefer prestige rum. At $10 a half-gallon it's hard to complain even when you feel like death in the morning. Another way to tell if the liquor is cheap is if the bottle is made of plastic.
What's vital with the cheap liquor is it's very cost-efficient to drink. Even if you get really sick and puke you're not wasting a lot of money on expensive booze.
Another important aspect to the heavy consumption of cheap booze is (if you're like me) it disables any sense of judgment you might have. When you look like I do in the picture you're ready for the next step of going home by yourself.
It is extremely vital you lack the ability to make a sound decision, even if your life depended on it. At this point pretty much any girl (or guy for the ladies and gay men out there) will look good to you.
Another crucial part of being this drunk is you're uninhibited and lack any sort of real filter. If you can control what you're going to say, you better hit the bottle harder and faster.
My expertise comes in this next part: being extremely offensive. This is where I've made a name for myself amongst my friends and earned the BLD title "Chief of Insults." It takes a real lack of moral decency and kindness towards others to stand out in the BLD group and become the Chief of Insults (in the above pic I'm standing next to the infamous Dave aka the BLD Head of Sales, Coporate Division. Which is a dumb and not funny title. He should be the head of lasagna making).
One of the most efficient and time-tested methods for being offensive is calling the other person stupid. It never fails to insult someone's intelligence especially when both parties have been drinking. If that doesn't work try and find specific things about them that are stupid and point them out to large groups of people.
If you're really daring you could even offend the person for being a certain type of person, such as a girl being dumb for being a girl.
For the record I'm not a sexist. I'm all for women's rights and believe there is nothing better in this world than a strong, independent woman. I come from a family of extremely strong women who love nothing more than to put me in my place every time I open my mouth. They've gotten very, very good at it despite my best efforts.
If your morals begin to act up (it happens to me from time to time) and you realize what you're doing you have two options: 1. Begin mocking yourself and make yourself look like an ass in a playful charming way (this can work but it's not a guarantee) or 2. Go for broke and mock the living hell out of this person.
Going for broke will almost guarantee you getting yelled at and told what an asshole you are. A couple of your friends might find your antics to be amusing given they're not on the receiving end of your insults. Other people will not.
A true BLD takes dedication. A strong committment to doing something that will be a stupid decision. Many try, few succeed. When in doubt call someone ugly or stupid.
p.s. I have no idea who the girl in the picture is. I know nothing happened beyond that picture but if something did that would've been another example of a BLD.
I'm not saying I want a different girl every weekend, I don't. I'm not good at faking interest in a girl either for the sake of getting laid. That always turns into me mocking her incessantly. Funny for me and my friends, not for her. This often turns into a Bad Life Decision (aka BLD).
One of the first steps to successfully making a BLD is to get as drunk as you physically can. This is easier said than done. It takes real dedication and often deep pockets to pull this trick off. A surefire way to do this without breaking the bank is buying the cheapest liquor you can.
I prefer prestige rum. At $10 a half-gallon it's hard to complain even when you feel like death in the morning. Another way to tell if the liquor is cheap is if the bottle is made of plastic.
What's vital with the cheap liquor is it's very cost-efficient to drink. Even if you get really sick and puke you're not wasting a lot of money on expensive booze.
Another important aspect to the heavy consumption of cheap booze is (if you're like me) it disables any sense of judgment you might have. When you look like I do in the picture you're ready for the next step of going home by yourself.
It is extremely vital you lack the ability to make a sound decision, even if your life depended on it. At this point pretty much any girl (or guy for the ladies and gay men out there) will look good to you. Another crucial part of being this drunk is you're uninhibited and lack any sort of real filter. If you can control what you're going to say, you better hit the bottle harder and faster.
My expertise comes in this next part: being extremely offensive. This is where I've made a name for myself amongst my friends and earned the BLD title "Chief of Insults." It takes a real lack of moral decency and kindness towards others to stand out in the BLD group and become the Chief of Insults (in the above pic I'm standing next to the infamous Dave aka the BLD Head of Sales, Coporate Division. Which is a dumb and not funny title. He should be the head of lasagna making).
One of the most efficient and time-tested methods for being offensive is calling the other person stupid. It never fails to insult someone's intelligence especially when both parties have been drinking. If that doesn't work try and find specific things about them that are stupid and point them out to large groups of people.
If you're really daring you could even offend the person for being a certain type of person, such as a girl being dumb for being a girl.
For the record I'm not a sexist. I'm all for women's rights and believe there is nothing better in this world than a strong, independent woman. I come from a family of extremely strong women who love nothing more than to put me in my place every time I open my mouth. They've gotten very, very good at it despite my best efforts.
If your morals begin to act up (it happens to me from time to time) and you realize what you're doing you have two options: 1. Begin mocking yourself and make yourself look like an ass in a playful charming way (this can work but it's not a guarantee) or 2. Go for broke and mock the living hell out of this person.
Going for broke will almost guarantee you getting yelled at and told what an asshole you are. A couple of your friends might find your antics to be amusing given they're not on the receiving end of your insults. Other people will not.
A true BLD takes dedication. A strong committment to doing something that will be a stupid decision. Many try, few succeed. When in doubt call someone ugly or stupid.
p.s. I have no idea who the girl in the picture is. I know nothing happened beyond that picture but if something did that would've been another example of a BLD.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Mission Accomplished!
I'm proud to say I've already followed through with one of my resolutions. I rang in the New Year drunk. And with Cris Judd (J. Lo's ex).
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Resolutions!
Time for some New Years resolutions! What am I going to say that I want to do in 2009, do a good job of following through for awhile then slowly let it teeter away?
First and foremost I resolve to ring in the new year drunk! My reason for this is last year I spent New Years Eve sleeping in bed because I was going to wake up at 4am to plow snow for multiple hours. This year I don't have to. I've already got the champagne chillin' in my fridge.
I want to continue networking and building myself as a commodity in this town. This means interacting with other people in the industry more regularly by going to parties and doing whatever I can to gain exposure to different players in Hollywood.
Obviously continuing to workout is on there. It'll be a great stress reliever and being good-looking in this town is always a benefit.
I want to continue with my writing and always be working on developing my ideas into outlines and screenplays. I don't want to stay an assistant forever and want to see my passion projects make it to the big screen one day.
I want to build my circle of friends in LA. I already have a good group going but the more people you know, the better. Plus that means more people for me to make fun of and those already in my circle won't be picked on as much. I think Jon, Pete and Dave (a.k.a. the stupid WOP) find that to be a good thing.
I'd like to find a girl to have a casual relationship where we can hang out, watch movies, fool around, go out to eat every now and then and other activities like such. What I don't want is to live in fear that she's planning the rest of her life with me. I'm just not mature enough for that yet.
I want to explore this city more. There are some really cool parts of LA that I want to see and become more familiar with. Santa Monica especially. Due to the fact that I want to move there eventually. I love the beach.
I'm sure there are other things I will resolve to do better in the new year but these are some of the top ones for me. Especially getting drunk tonight!
First and foremost I resolve to ring in the new year drunk! My reason for this is last year I spent New Years Eve sleeping in bed because I was going to wake up at 4am to plow snow for multiple hours. This year I don't have to. I've already got the champagne chillin' in my fridge.
I want to continue networking and building myself as a commodity in this town. This means interacting with other people in the industry more regularly by going to parties and doing whatever I can to gain exposure to different players in Hollywood.
Obviously continuing to workout is on there. It'll be a great stress reliever and being good-looking in this town is always a benefit.
I want to continue with my writing and always be working on developing my ideas into outlines and screenplays. I don't want to stay an assistant forever and want to see my passion projects make it to the big screen one day.
I want to build my circle of friends in LA. I already have a good group going but the more people you know, the better. Plus that means more people for me to make fun of and those already in my circle won't be picked on as much. I think Jon, Pete and Dave (a.k.a. the stupid WOP) find that to be a good thing.
I'd like to find a girl to have a casual relationship where we can hang out, watch movies, fool around, go out to eat every now and then and other activities like such. What I don't want is to live in fear that she's planning the rest of her life with me. I'm just not mature enough for that yet.
I want to explore this city more. There are some really cool parts of LA that I want to see and become more familiar with. Santa Monica especially. Due to the fact that I want to move there eventually. I love the beach.
I'm sure there are other things I will resolve to do better in the new year but these are some of the top ones for me. Especially getting drunk tonight!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
