back to the whale's vagina

I'm heading back to San Diego (aka the Whale's Vagina) this weekend to see Mr. Spicy Meat-a-Ball himself and the Whale's Vagina herself. We will have a lot of fun and we will get really drunk.

And we'll probably make some BLD's.

UPDATE - Thought I'd put up a pic of Ashley since I'm stoked to see her also. It's not as entertaining as the one of Dave and I.

Slacking

I've been slacking. I know.

I've been fairly busy with work the past week and a half and over this past weekend I was busy golfing, sleeping strange hours or helping Corey and Tyne move.

The girl I went on a date with a couple weeks ago, Amy, beat me at my own game and called things off before I got a chance to. I was really only interested in her for hooking up purposes and she probably caught on to that. I'm not known for my subtlety.

Dave apparently has a miss spicy meat-a-ball that he's been hanging with. Ashley has stopped talking to Nick allegedly which has been great news since he was a giant douche and on the verge of making her a soulless loser.

Finally had my development meeting with Bridget and I think we came up with some good ideas and she had good insights into some of my projects. She didn't offer up much on her work (I'm convinced she doesn't have anything quality and just trying to latch on to my greatness).

Pete, Jon, Corey and I are looking into golfing this weekend. Hopefully the weather will be nice and we can get out and play a real round.

I will try and come up with some posts soon that are more intriguing and maybe a touch on the controversial side. I really need to stir the pot some, it's been awhile.

Oh, and I need to get smashed and make a BLD. Badly.

One Year Older

Today is my birthday and I am now officially 24. Don't worry, I still act like a 12 year-old (the pic below is evidence of that).

This was a very delicious birthday cake Jess and Sarah made for me on my 21st birthday (or 22nd, but I'm pretty sure it was 21st).

I got a gift basket from my parents this morning before I left for the office and the key ingredient was a 12-pack of Samuel Adams, one of my favorite beers. I plan on consuming a couple of them with Jon and Pete tonight after I get out of work and go for a run.

In this 24th year of my life I plan on spending more time writing, doing more multi-faceted work outs as well as crossing a few things off my bucket list (maybe a full marathon?).

I plan on getting drunk this weekend to properly celebrate. I foresee blacking out in my future and one or two BLD's.

Development Meeting

As much as I enjoy teasing Bridget (because it's fun to do and I know more than she does) I surprisingly value her opionion. She has provided a lot of good insights to me about Hollywood and writing tips. We've also had a few fun, drunken nights on the town.

We're planning on getting together this Sunday for a meeting of the minds and discussing some different stories I'm hopefully going to develop into screenplays. She's in the process of reading my first completed script, "Screw You!" and giving me feedback on it (although she's taking her damn time).

I have a couple other ideas I have that I'm looking to share with her and get her thoughts. What she'll have to say I'll really want to hear even if it pisses me off. She can offer the female perspective on the overall story as well as the female characters motivations and arc throughout.

I think I can do a pretty decent job writing a female character seeing as I have to crazy sisters who've given me lots of life experiences to pull from. It still helps though to talk these ideas out with another person who is also a writer and will have more insight than I do.

One of my stories could be a romantic comedy (an R-rated one if I have my way), another is a story about spring breakers who get kidnapped but the kidnappers are new to this line of work and screw things up (it should be quite character driven as well as plot).

I really want her input on these ideas as well as few more. I think one story that she could really sink her teeth into and help me write (cause I have horrible writers block) is "B.L.D." A college movie that will look at things more honestly and truthfully based on a lot of experiences I had at WMU (Western Michigan University) and she'll hopefully bring some of hers to the table (even her sorority ones, however much I'll probably mock her about it).

A Pearl of Wisdom

I spend a lot of time talking with my friends about any and everything. One topic that always seems to come up is my inability to get women and get laid. If you don't like getting laid or maintaining a relationship with a girl I have some good advice for you.

I'm not saying I want a different girl every weekend, I don't. I'm not good at faking interest in a girl either for the sake of getting laid. That always turns into me mocking her incessantly. Funny for me and my friends, not for her. This often turns into a Bad Life Decision (aka BLD).

One of the first steps to successfully making a BLD is to get as drunk as you physically can. This is easier said than done. It takes real dedication and often deep pockets to pull this trick off. A surefire way to do this without breaking the bank is buying the cheapest liquor you can.

I prefer prestige rum. At $10 a half-gallon it's hard to complain even when you feel like death in the morning. Another way to tell if the liquor is cheap is if the bottle is made of plastic.

What's vital with the cheap liquor is it's very cost-efficient to drink. Even if you get really sick and puke you're not wasting a lot of money on expensive booze.

Another important aspect to the heavy consumption of cheap booze is (if you're like me) it disables any sense of judgment you might have. When you look like I do in the picture you're ready for the next step of going home by yourself.

It is extremely vital you lack the ability to make a sound decision, even if your life depended on it. At this point pretty much any girl (or guy for the ladies and gay men out there) will look good to you.

Another crucial part of being this drunk is you're uninhibited and lack any sort of real filter. If you can control what you're going to say, you better hit the bottle harder and faster.

My expertise comes in this next part: being extremely offensive. This is where I've made a name for myself amongst my friends and earned the BLD title "Chief of Insults." It takes a real lack of moral decency and kindness towards others to stand out in the BLD group and become the Chief of Insults (in the above pic I'm standing next to the infamous Dave aka the BLD Head of Sales, Coporate Division. Which is a dumb and not funny title. He should be the head of lasagna making).

One of the most efficient and time-tested methods for being offensive is calling the other person stupid. It never fails to insult someone's intelligence especially when both parties have been drinking. If that doesn't work try and find specific things about them that are stupid and point them out to large groups of people.

If you're really daring you could even offend the person for being a certain type of person, such as a girl being dumb for being a girl.

For the record I'm not a sexist. I'm all for women's rights and believe there is nothing better in this world than a strong, independent woman. I come from a family of extremely strong women who love nothing more than to put me in my place every time I open my mouth. They've gotten very, very good at it despite my best efforts.

If your morals begin to act up (it happens to me from time to time) and you realize what you're doing you have two options: 1. Begin mocking yourself and make yourself look like an ass in a playful charming way (this can work but it's not a guarantee) or 2. Go for broke and mock the living hell out of this person.

Going for broke will almost guarantee you getting yelled at and told what an asshole you are. A couple of your friends might find your antics to be amusing given they're not on the receiving end of your insults. Other people will not.

A true BLD takes dedication. A strong committment to doing something that will be a stupid decision. Many try, few succeed. When in doubt call someone ugly or stupid.

p.s. I have no idea who the girl in the picture is. I know nothing happened beyond that picture but if something did that would've been another example of a BLD.